When this ad popped up in my feed, I about flipped my lid!!!!I am all for learning skills to "build a stronger relationship", but ladies (and guys too, this is not a gender specific issue), PUHLEEESE! If you have to invest money in products to help you learn how to work hard to "keep your man from cheating", YOU GOT THE WRONG DAMN MAN!!!!
Let's take a moment or two to go over a few... let's call 'em "Rules" ... shall we???
Rule #1 - you can't "keep" ANYBODY from cheating! It's a character
flaw. People either take their commitments seriously or they don't. If
they're gonna cheat, THEY'RE GONNA CHEAT. MOST PEOPLE who are honest
will admit to having moments in their relationship where they "wondered"
about being with someone who is not their mate, but people of integrity
NEVER ACT ON IT. No such thing as "I couldn't help it" or "it just
happened"... YOU ARE ALWAYS IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN BODY AND ACTIONS. And
heads up - if you have not MUTUALLY AGREED TO BEING COMMITTED TO EACH
OTHER OUT LOUD AND IN WORDS - you aren't! Don't assume commitment where
none has been made!!!
Rule #2 - if you picked a cheater, YOU PICKED THEM. You think you "didn't see it coming", but (having been there myself) in truth if you look back, there were probably little red flags all along the way that you chose to ignore.
Rule #3 - just be the most fabulous version of you that you can be, and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS treat your mate with the love and respect you would like to be treated with. If they cheat anyway, refer to Rules #1 & #2.
Rule #4 - give your mate the love, affection, and SEX (yes I said it, so sue me) that demonstrates that you care for them, appreciate them, value and understand their desires, and that they are THE biggest priority in your life. Be attentive. Be interesting. Be exciting. Be willing. You may surprise yourself and discover your own expanded sensuality along the way. People who feel unloved, unappreciated, demeaned, and undesired WILL LOOK ELSEWHERE to fill those very basic human needs. Doesn't mean they'll act on it, but they'll sure as hell be considering their options. Good news about sex with someone you LOVE and makes you feel ADORED who takes the time to learn your individual likes and dislike is - YOU'LL WANT MORE OF IT!!! A LOT MORE!!! And the more they rock your world, the more attractive they will be to you, NO MATTER THEIR BODY TYPE. (The love of my life was NOT a body builder - had I had my way that poor man would NEVER have gotten a day off, and probably would have had to quit his job just to attend to me. It was his attention to my details intellectually and emotionally that sealed it. I would have lived the entire rest of my days completely unaware that there were other men on the planet. I have heard gorgeous, FAITHFUL men say similar things about their so-called "plain-jane" spouses as well!)
Rule #5 - RESPECT EACH OTHERS BOUNDARIES. To do this, you must first communicate CLEARLY what they are. Be ready to hold your ground - and follow through if necessary. HAVE AND KEEP CLEAR EXPECTATIONS OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR MUTUAL BOUNDARIES.
Rule #6 - if you're a person who can't, or doesn't want to, be faithful (I'm not big on "marriage" but I am big on monogamy and exclusivity in relationships), DON'T MISLEAD YOUR PARTNER INTO THINKING OTHERWISE. Be honest UP FRONT! If you choose to get involved with someone who has TOLD YOU they don't want to be exclusive anyway - refer to Rule #2. Don't expect to change them. YOU WON'T.
Rule #7 - Pick your battles! Is it REALLY a big deal if he wants to play Halo all weekend IF he's meeting your needs on all other levels? Is it REALLY a big deal that she spends 3 hours a day talking to her mama IF she's blowing your mind the other 21? DO YOU REALLY CARE if he folds his underwear, if he's an attentive father and amazing partner? Is it REALLY gonna hurt you to indulge your partner's fantasies (within mutual reason) on a regular basis?
Rule #8 - if fidelity is important to you (as it is to me), know WHO you are getting in a relationship with BEFORE you go there! Then don't be surprised when they live up to their reputation - EITHER WAY.
Rule #2 - if you picked a cheater, YOU PICKED THEM. You think you "didn't see it coming", but (having been there myself) in truth if you look back, there were probably little red flags all along the way that you chose to ignore.
Rule #3 - just be the most fabulous version of you that you can be, and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS treat your mate with the love and respect you would like to be treated with. If they cheat anyway, refer to Rules #1 & #2.
Rule #4 - give your mate the love, affection, and SEX (yes I said it, so sue me) that demonstrates that you care for them, appreciate them, value and understand their desires, and that they are THE biggest priority in your life. Be attentive. Be interesting. Be exciting. Be willing. You may surprise yourself and discover your own expanded sensuality along the way. People who feel unloved, unappreciated, demeaned, and undesired WILL LOOK ELSEWHERE to fill those very basic human needs. Doesn't mean they'll act on it, but they'll sure as hell be considering their options. Good news about sex with someone you LOVE and makes you feel ADORED who takes the time to learn your individual likes and dislike is - YOU'LL WANT MORE OF IT!!! A LOT MORE!!! And the more they rock your world, the more attractive they will be to you, NO MATTER THEIR BODY TYPE. (The love of my life was NOT a body builder - had I had my way that poor man would NEVER have gotten a day off, and probably would have had to quit his job just to attend to me. It was his attention to my details intellectually and emotionally that sealed it. I would have lived the entire rest of my days completely unaware that there were other men on the planet. I have heard gorgeous, FAITHFUL men say similar things about their so-called "plain-jane" spouses as well!)
Rule #5 - RESPECT EACH OTHERS BOUNDARIES. To do this, you must first communicate CLEARLY what they are. Be ready to hold your ground - and follow through if necessary. HAVE AND KEEP CLEAR EXPECTATIONS OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR MUTUAL BOUNDARIES.
Rule #6 - if you're a person who can't, or doesn't want to, be faithful (I'm not big on "marriage" but I am big on monogamy and exclusivity in relationships), DON'T MISLEAD YOUR PARTNER INTO THINKING OTHERWISE. Be honest UP FRONT! If you choose to get involved with someone who has TOLD YOU they don't want to be exclusive anyway - refer to Rule #2. Don't expect to change them. YOU WON'T.
Rule #7 - Pick your battles! Is it REALLY a big deal if he wants to play Halo all weekend IF he's meeting your needs on all other levels? Is it REALLY a big deal that she spends 3 hours a day talking to her mama IF she's blowing your mind the other 21? DO YOU REALLY CARE if he folds his underwear, if he's an attentive father and amazing partner? Is it REALLY gonna hurt you to indulge your partner's fantasies (within mutual reason) on a regular basis?
Rule #8 - if fidelity is important to you (as it is to me), know WHO you are getting in a relationship with BEFORE you go there! Then don't be surprised when they live up to their reputation - EITHER WAY.
One of my BIGGEST
LESSONS LEARNED was when my ex-husband admitted; "once you took me back the
first time I knew I could get away with it. I just had to get better at
hiding it."
You can't BUY or manipulate their fidelity peeps. Save your cash!!!!
1 comment:
I posted this response a year ago, and it BEARS REPEATING!!!!! <3
LISTEN UP, My Darlings,
If someone doesn't want to be with you or be faithful to you, NO AMOUNT OF MONEY OR MANIPULATION WILL CHANGE THAT.
Save your money and your sanity!!!! Read my post from last year below, put away your wallet, and MOVE THE EFF ON. VALUE YOURSELF enough to put your energy in to being the best, truest version of YOU you can be and two miracles are guaranteed:
1.) You will STOP attracting people who don't value/respect/love/honor you, and
2.) You will be so complete in yourself that having a partner that adds value will simply be a BONUS, and NOT having one will not only NOT break you, your life will be so full and amazing that you won't even notice that you DON'T have one!
You GOTTA love YOURSELF enough to stop accepting being disrespected. You will find, I PROMISE YOU, that the more you value and honor yourself, the higher the quality of people who show up in your life will be, and you won't be even remotely concerned with trying to "change" them. <3
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